There are 271 corporate commands in the database.
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Be the dog.
Corporation: Crown Publishing Group
Product: You Are the Dog
Location: The New Yorker, Nov. 29, 2004
Collected On: 02-05-2005
Researcher: Jamie Ciocco
Language: English
Please suggest how one might go about performing this command as literally as possible.
  1. *sniffs crotch*
  2. crap all over the carpet
  3. fire hydrant, anyone?
  4. walk in circles before lying down and taking a nap
  5. bark at the mailman
  6. chase a car
  7. be the lousy boyfriend
  8. lick yourself, because you can.
  9. Hump couch pillow.
  10. roll onto your back for tummy rub


The Institute for Infinitely Small Things